My two major plans for the house interior have been pretty much thwarted. Furnishing the house with Danish Modern furniture? No go. Every time we came across a piece of Danish Modern furniture, Troy would say either it’s too big or plain ugly. Painting the door and window wood trims white? No go again. But I don’t really mind. I’ve come to a realization that all the wood is what gives the house character. Plus, we really hate painting. We found out about it the hard way. Oh, and I really didn’t want to have Troy’s big, ugly, monstrous shelves anywhere in the house, but look what’s standing by the back wall of the dining room. None other than the big, ugly, monstrous shelves! The only one of my plans that actually came together was the plan to have mismatch furniture in the living room because that’s how our living room is. A living room with matching furniture is just too grown-up for my liking.
I’ve accepted the fact that the house will never, ever look perfect like other people’s houses in home improvement magazines because (1) we’re not rich and (2) we have way too much crap in our possession. As long as the house feels like home to me instead of like someone else’s house, I’m happy. Hell, I’m happy to have a home at all since my old home is no longer. Home to me was the house I grew up with, with my mother in it. After my mother passed away, it just didn’t feel like home anymore. Now I have a new home. Home is this old house full of books, CDs, DVDs, videogames, and board games, and with Troy in it.
It may sound cliché, but home is indeed where the heart is.
Addendum: When I’m feeling homesick, it’s always for the home with my mother in it which always makes my homesickness feel worse than it should be because that home I’m longing for just doesn’t exist anymore. I’m really looking forward to being away and feeling homesick for this house we’re living in. (This might happen next month!)