One of Those Days

One Flower

I miss my mum every single day, but there are days that I miss her more than usual. Days like today. Those are sucky, feeling weepy days. And they’re usually triggered by simple things, like seeing someone having a walk with their mother, or reading someone’s blog about what their mother did that makes them happy. Stuff like that.

I miss talking with my mum. I miss telling her silly stuff. I miss making her laugh. I miss the random little things she used to do to make me happy. I miss watching her tending the flowery plants just outside my bedroom window. I miss her knocking my window and making a funny face when I looked. I miss taking a nap on her bed while she was busy sewing next to me. I miss her tickling me to see if I was really asleep. I miss making fun of her while she was watching a Bollywood movie or a soap opera or a telenovella on TV. I miss watching her doing overly-dramatic impressions of telenovella characters. I miss her laughter. I miss her smile. I miss her singing. I miss her holding my hand. I guess I just miss having a mother.

My mum was quite something. She was different. She always encouraged us to be different and be proud of it. She knew I was unhappy. She knew I’d be happier if I could get out of Indonesia. She told me that if I could leave Indonesia, try not go back and not to worry about her. The thing is, I know I wouldn’t be here in Canada if my mum was still alive. I used to feel guilty because I felt like I was trading her life for the life I have now. But now, I just think of it as my mum’s final gift to me. And what a gift it is.

I am happy. I love my new life. I know my mum would be happy to know that I’m happy. But I still miss her anyway…

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14 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Ask Troy to knocking your window and making a funny face when you looked, tickling you to see if you really asleep, make you watching him doing overly-dramatic impressions of horror or sci-fi characters :D
    He is now here for you, enjoy it and be thankful that your mom knew what would be of you, happy and content with your life here in Canada.

  2. My mom was like that, too. There are days when I still weep for her, but the days where she taught me to love simple things and persevere when times are tough make me thankful that I had the time with her while we could.

  3. I was 19 when my mum died and she has been gone 22 years on the 1st of September and I still miss her everyday, for me the saddest thing now is that I don’t remember the feeling of having a mother, I can only ever remember being the mother, I wish I could have 5 minutes with her so she could hold me in her arms so that I could feel safe and loved only the way a mother can makke you feel loved, I still mourn for her everyday.

  4. I miss my mum most for sharing the new good things that happen in my life. I knew she was dying for a while, and we spoke about what mattered, but it’s the new stuff I wish I could have told her about. I wish I could believe we’ll meet again, but I just don’t know.
    Thanks Firda for sharing your memories.

  5. my mum isn’t dead but she is over the country.i miss her so much i cry every ite and hope that i will get to meat with her again and that she will stay safe,my mum gave me a ring that i love but i cant seem to find it so i cant sleep. im only 13 and i feel like dying, i miss her in words that cant describe. i can only imagine a fraction of your pain. from samantha

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