One of Those Days

One Flower

I miss my mum every sin­gle day, but there are days that I miss her more than usu­al. Days like today. Those are sucky, feel­ing weepy days. And they’re usu­al­ly trig­gered by sim­ple things, like see­ing some­one hav­ing a walk with their moth­er, or read­ing someone’s blog about what their moth­er did that makes them hap­py. Stuff like that.

I miss talk­ing with my mum. I miss telling her sil­ly stuff. I miss mak­ing her laugh. I miss the ran­dom lit­tle things she used to do to make me hap­py. I miss watch­ing her tend­ing the flow­ery plants just out­side my bed­room win­dow. I miss her knock­ing my win­dow and mak­ing a fun­ny face when I looked. I miss tak­ing a nap on her bed while she was busy sewing next to me. I miss her tick­ling me to see if I was real­ly asleep. I miss mak­ing fun of her while she was watch­ing a Bol­ly­wood movie or a soap opera or a telen­ovel­la on TV. I miss watch­ing her doing over­ly-dra­mat­ic impres­sions of telen­ovel­la char­ac­ters. I miss her laugh­ter. I miss her smile. I miss her singing. I miss her hold­ing my hand. I guess I just miss hav­ing a moth­er.

My mum was quite some­thing. She was dif­fer­ent. She always encour­aged us to be dif­fer­ent and be proud of it. She knew I was unhap­py. She knew I’d be hap­pi­er if I could get out of Indone­sia. She told me that if I could leave Indone­sia, try not go back and not to wor­ry about her. The thing is, I know I wouldn’t be here in Cana­da if my mum was still alive. I used to feel guilty because I felt like I was trad­ing her life for the life I have now. But now, I just think of it as my mum’s final gift to me. And what a gift it is.

I am hap­py. I love my new life. I know my mum would be hap­py to know that I’m hap­py. But I still miss her any­way…

14 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Ask Troy to knock­ing your win­dow and mak­ing a fun­ny face when you looked, tick­ling you to see if you real­ly asleep, make you watch­ing him doing over­ly-dra­mat­ic impres­sions of hor­ror or sci-fi char­ac­ters :D
    He is now here for you, enjoy it and be thank­ful that your mom knew what would be of you, hap­py and con­tent with your life here in Cana­da.

  2. My mom was like that, too. There are days when I still weep for her, but the days where she taught me to love sim­ple things and per­se­vere when times are tough make me thank­ful that I had the time with her while we could.

  3. I was 19 when my mum died and she has been gone 22 years on the 1st of Sep­tem­ber and I still miss her every­day, for me the sad­dest thing now is that I don’t remem­ber the feel­ing of hav­ing a moth­er, I can only ever remem­ber being the moth­er, I wish I could have 5 min­utes with her so she could hold me in her arms so that I could feel safe and loved only the way a moth­er can makke you feel loved, I still mourn for her every­day.

  4. I miss my mum most for shar­ing the new good things that hap­pen in my life. I knew she was dying for a while, and we spoke about what mat­tered, but it’s the new stuff I wish I could have told her about. I wish I could believe we’ll meet again, but I just don’t know.
    Thanks Fir­da for shar­ing your mem­o­ries.

  5. my mum isn’t dead but she is over the country.i miss her so much i cry every ite and hope that i will get to meat with her again and that she will stay safe,my mum gave me a ring that i love but i cant seem to find it so i cant sleep. im only 13 and i feel like dying, i miss her in words that cant describe. i can only imag­ine a frac­tion of your pain. from saman­tha

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