One of Those Days

One Flower

I miss my mum every single day, but there are days that I miss her more than usual. Days like today. Those are sucky, feeling weepy days. And they're usually triggered by simple things, like seeing someone having a walk with their mother, or reading someone's blog about what their mother did that makes them happy. Stuff like that.

I miss talking with my mum. I miss telling her silly stuff. I miss making her laugh. I miss the random little things she used to do to make me happy. I miss watching her tending the flowery plants just outside my bedroom window. I miss her knocking my window and making a funny face when I looked. I miss taking a nap on her bed while she was busy sewing next to me. I miss her tickling me to see if I was really asleep. I miss making fun of her while she was watching a Bollywood movie or a soap opera or a telenovella on TV. I miss watching her doing overly-dramatic impressions of telenovella characters. I miss her laughter. I miss her smile. I miss her singing. I miss her holding my hand. I guess I just miss having a mother.

My mum was quite something. She was different. She always encouraged us to be different and be proud of it. She knew I was unhappy. She knew I'd be happier if I could get out of Indonesia. She told me that if I could leave Indonesia, try not go back and not to worry about her. The thing is, I know I wouldn't be here in Canada if my mum was still alive. I used to feel guilty because I felt like I was trading her life for the life I have now. But now, I just think of it as my mum's final gift to me. And what a gift it is.

I am happy. I love my new life. I know my mum would be happy to know that I'm happy. But I still miss her anyway...

14 Comments

  1. Troy
    April 26, 2006

    That was beau­ti­ful. I know your mom would be proud. Love you.

    Reply
  2. retno
    April 27, 2006

    dear frida,
    she may not be with you, but your love is with you along the way…

    Reply
  3. Lili
    April 27, 2006

    Ask Troy to knock­ing your win­dow and mak­ing a fun­ny face when you looked, tick­ling you to see if you real­ly asleep, make you watch­ing him doing over­ly-dra­mat­ic impres­sions of hor­ror or sci-fi char­ac­ters :D
    He is now here for you, enjoy it and be thank­ful that your mom knew what would be of you, hap­py and con­tent with your life here in Canada.

    Reply
  4. Hed
    April 27, 2006

    Wow. You real­ly have a beau­ti­ful way of look­ing at life. That was very touch­ing.
    -H

    Reply
  5. Ichoos
    April 28, 2006

    I am still teary and can feel you. I miss my Dad, like that and more.…

    Reply
  6. ana
    April 30, 2006

    HEy, you have a great blog, keep up the good work!

    Reply
  7. Grace Smith
    May 1, 2006

    Hi Frida, this your arti­cle about love is great

    Reply
  8. Bonnie
    May 2, 2006

    My mom was like that, too. There are days when I still weep for her, but the days where she taught me to love sim­ple things and per­se­vere when times are tough make me thank­ful that I had the time with her while we could.

    Reply
  9. TheAngel
    May 4, 2006

    Hey, I’m sure your mum proud of you…

    Reply
  10. rice
    May 15, 2006

    i wish my mum was like yours, i miss my dad­da…

    Reply
  11. Pipit
    May 20, 2006

    Such a nice and deep writ­ing.
    A great blog. :)

    Reply
  12. Faye Spiers
    August 28, 2006

    I was 19 when my mum died and she has been gone 22 years on the 1st of Sep­tem­ber and I still miss her every­day, for me the sad­dest thing now is that I don’t remem­ber the feel­ing of hav­ing a moth­er, I can only ever remem­ber being the moth­er, I wish I could have 5 min­utes with her so she could hold me in her arms so that I could feel safe and loved only the way a moth­er can makke you feel loved, I still mourn for her every­day.

    Reply
  13. John
    November 1, 2006

    I miss my mum most for shar­ing the new good things that hap­pen in my life. I knew she was dying for a while, and we spoke about what mat­tered, but it’s the new stuff I wish I could have told her about. I wish I could believe we’ll meet again, but I just don’t know.
    Thanks Fir­da for shar­ing your mem­o­ries.

    Reply
  14. samantha
    August 15, 2007

    my mum isn’t dead but she is over the country.i miss her so much i cry every ite and hope that i will get to meat with her again and that she will stay safe,my mum gave me a ring that i love but i cant seem to find it so i cant sleep. im only 13 and i feel like dying, i miss her in words that cant describe. i can only imag­ine a frac­tion of your pain. from saman­tha

    Reply

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