A Birthday Post

Dear Self,

Happy birthday! I know you’re cursing under your breath to hear that but the day is still young and there’s still a chance for it to turn up to be a happy one, no matter how small the chance is. Try to be optimistic for a change. Someone might give you a nice present. Or even bake you a cake. Who knows.

I’m so impressed that you’ve lived this long. For someone who lives on dreaming of things that she wishes would happen to her but never seem to happen for real, who spends at least 6 days a week in front of her computer because she’s always too broke to go out, you’re not doing too badly at all. Way to go!

I’m glad that you have the trip to look forward to right now. I know you’re thinking, “After the trip then what?” Well, after the trip, you’ll go back to your life before the trip, which is not really much of a life, but that’s all you’ve got and you’re supposed to cherish it. Yeah, I hear you. Bullshit. You’re allowed to say that. After all, it’s your birthday!

Life sucks, doesn’t it? But you’ve got to hang on. Just grab anything you can hold on to. Don’t be too picky. Life might get better. I wish I could promise you that it will get better, but I can’t. All I can say is it might get better and you have to keep afloat so you could find out. Of course something that might get better, might also get worse. That’s just the way it is.

The thing about life is, you’ll never know what’s going to happen. Just keep thinking what you’re thinking, that you have to go through so much crap because one day, when you’re happy, you’ll be happy forever. There’ll be no more crap for you because you’ve been through it all. Wouldn’t it be nice?

I wish I could buy you a present, but, as we both know, we’re broke. If there’s still some flour in the kitchen, you can always bake yourself a cake. You know you’re good at cake baking.

Hey, remember when mum ordered a special birthday meal package from a caterer for you two years ago? That was good, wasn’t it? She was already bedridden the next year. And now she’s no more. Birthday is certainly different without her. But I’m sure she’s wishing you a happy birthday from wherever she is right now. She always wanted you to be happy.

It’s okay to cry. Just cry as hard as you can. It’ll make you feel better. Of course you can always wait until father delivers his “you’ve been a bad girl” lecture. That way you won’t have to cry twice. It would save you a lot of energy.

Now get off the computer, go downstairs, and face the evil father. After that, your birthday will be practically over. Remember that I love you just as you are, no matter what your father says. Take care of yourself. Life might get better.

Love,

Me

PS. See? No preaching from father! Only a 5 dollar bill. That’s quite an improvement from last year, don’t you think?

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