I miss my mum every single day, but there are days that I miss her more than usual. Days like today. Those are sucky, feeling weepy days. And they’re usually triggered by simple things, like seeing someone having a walk with their mother, or reading someone’s blog about what their mother did that makes them happy. Stuff like that.
I miss talking with my mum. I miss telling her silly stuff. I miss making her laugh. I miss the random little things she used to do to make me happy. I miss watching her tending the flowery plants just outside my bedroom window. I miss her knocking my window and making a funny face when I looked. I miss taking a nap on her bed while she was busy sewing next to me. I miss her tickling me to see if I was really asleep. I miss making fun of her while she was watching a Bollywood movie or a soap opera or a telenovella on TV. I miss watching her doing overly-dramatic impressions of telenovella characters. I miss her laughter. I miss her smile. I miss her singing. I miss her holding my hand. I guess I just miss having a mother.
My mum was quite something. She was different. She always encouraged us to be different and be proud of it. She knew I was unhappy. She knew I’d be happier if I could get out of Indonesia. She told me that if I could leave Indonesia, try not go back and not to worry about her. The thing is, I know I wouldn’t be here in Canada if my mum was still alive. I used to feel guilty because I felt like I was trading her life for the life I have now. But now, I just think of it as my mum’s final gift to me. And what a gift it is.
I am happy. I love my new life. I know my mum would be happy to know that I’m happy. But I still miss her anyway…
26/04/2006 @ 2:58 PM
That was beautiful. I know your mom would be proud. Love you.
27/04/2006 @ 10:06 AM
dear frida,
she may not be with you, but your love is with you along the way…
27/04/2006 @ 2:04 PM
Wow. You really have a beautiful way of looking at life. That was very touching.
-H
27/04/2006 @ 5:29 PM
Ask Troy to knocking your window and making a funny face when you looked, tickling you to see if you really asleep, make you watching him doing overly-dramatic impressions of horror or sci-fi characters :D
He is now here for you, enjoy it and be thankful that your mom knew what would be of you, happy and content with your life here in Canada.
28/04/2006 @ 3:38 PM
I am still teary and can feel you. I miss my Dad, like that and more….
30/04/2006 @ 12:01 PM
HEy, you have a great blog, keep up the good work!
01/05/2006 @ 1:20 PM
Hi Frida, this your article about love is great
02/05/2006 @ 7:58 AM
My mom was like that, too. There are days when I still weep for her, but the days where she taught me to love simple things and persevere when times are tough make me thankful that I had the time with her while we could.
04/05/2006 @ 9:17 AM
Hey, I’m sure your mum proud of you…
15/05/2006 @ 8:33 PM
i wish my mum was like yours, i miss my dadda…
20/05/2006 @ 5:28 AM
Such a nice and deep writing.
A great blog. :)
28/08/2006 @ 12:12 AM
I was 19 when my mum died and she has been gone 22 years on the 1st of September and I still miss her everyday, for me the saddest thing now is that I don’t remember the feeling of having a mother, I can only ever remember being the mother, I wish I could have 5 minutes with her so she could hold me in her arms so that I could feel safe and loved only the way a mother can makke you feel loved, I still mourn for her everyday.
01/11/2006 @ 6:42 PM
I miss my mum most for sharing the new good things that happen in my life. I knew she was dying for a while, and we spoke about what mattered, but it’s the new stuff I wish I could have told her about. I wish I could believe we’ll meet again, but I just don’t know.
Thanks Firda for sharing your memories.
15/08/2007 @ 7:56 AM
my mum isn’t dead but she is over the country.i miss her so much i cry every ite and hope that i will get to meat with her again and that she will stay safe,my mum gave me a ring that i love but i cant seem to find it so i cant sleep. im only 13 and i feel like dying, i miss her in words that cant describe. i can only imagine a fraction of your pain. from samantha