Excuses, Excuses

Sorry for the lack of update lately. I just haven’t been feeling like blogging due to a certain family situation that leaves me feeling depressed most of the time. I’ll spare you the details but this much I can say: if you have a father who always tries to make your life easier, you should count yourself lucky. Some of us (including myself) aren’t that lucky.

On a happier note, I got myself a UK visa today. Yayness! After three years of having a passport, there’s finally something to see among the passport pages. I’ll be leaving Jakarta for London on May 18 and, if I’m lucky enough to get the Canadian visa, I’ll be flying to Toronto from London on May 28. I really can’t wait to start my adventure. Too bad it’s still a little less than a month away.

Well, until next update! I hope all of you are doing good.

A Birthday Post

Dear Self,

Happy birthday! I know you’re cursing under your breath to hear that but the day is still young and there’s still a chance for it to turn up to be a happy one, no matter how small the chance is. Try to be optimistic for a change. Someone might give you a nice present. Or even bake you a cake. Who knows.

I’m so impressed that you’ve lived this long. For someone who lives on dreaming of things that she wishes would happen to her but never seem to happen for real, who spends at least 6 days a week in front of her computer because she’s always too broke to go out, you’re not doing too badly at all. Way to go!

I’m glad that you have the trip to look forward to right now. I know you’re thinking, “After the trip then what?” Well, after the trip, you’ll go back to your life before the trip, which is not really much of a life, but that’s all you’ve got and you’re supposed to cherish it. Yeah, I hear you. Bullshit. You’re allowed to say that. After all, it’s your birthday!

Life sucks, doesn’t it? But you’ve got to hang on. Just grab anything you can hold on to. Don’t be too picky. Life might get better. I wish I could promise you that it will get better, but I can’t. All I can say is it might get better and you have to keep afloat so you could find out. Of course something that might get better, might also get worse. That’s just the way it is.

The thing about life is, you’ll never know what’s going to happen. Just keep thinking what you’re thinking, that you have to go through so much crap because one day, when you’re happy, you’ll be happy forever. There’ll be no more crap for you because you’ve been through it all. Wouldn’t it be nice?

I wish I could buy you a present, but, as we both know, we’re broke. If there’s still some flour in the kitchen, you can always bake yourself a cake. You know you’re good at cake baking.

Hey, remember when mum ordered a special birthday meal package from a caterer for you two years ago? That was good, wasn’t it? She was already bedridden the next year. And now she’s no more. Birthday is certainly different without her. But I’m sure she’s wishing you a happy birthday from wherever she is right now. She always wanted you to be happy.

It’s okay to cry. Just cry as hard as you can. It’ll make you feel better. Of course you can always wait until father delivers his “you’ve been a bad girl” lecture. That way you won’t have to cry twice. It would save you a lot of energy.

Now get off the computer, go downstairs, and face the evil father. After that, your birthday will be practically over. Remember that I love you just as you are, no matter what your father says. Take care of yourself. Life might get better.

Love,

Me

PS. See? No preaching from father! Only a 5 dollar bill. That’s quite an improvement from last year, don’t you think?

Current Status: Alive

This post is for those of you who are wondering whether or not I am still alive. As you can see, as of this writing, I am still alive and typing, but not necessarily blogging. During my absence from your life, I have:

  1. been having coughing fits;
  2. locked myself in my room for two nights due to some unfortunate family situation;
  3. played a lot with my nephew;
  4. received two CDs from Chris in California and two books from Ian in Scotland off my Amazon wishlist (thanks a lot, guys!);
  5. watched more TV than usual;
  6. been having mood swings, as usual;
  7. been dreading my birthday, which is coming up in 5 days;
  8. got the best (early) birthday present ever from my aunt and uncle in England (whom I’m going to visit in May): a return ticket to Canada!

For the time being, my life is a little bit of everything, which is nice for a change because usually my life can be summed up in one word: depressing. But right now, as long as I’m focusing my thoughts on my upcoming trip to England and Canada, I’m happy as I can be.